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Thread: lawak (18sx)

  1. #1
    antagenaiz's Avatar
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    Talking lawak (18sx)

    (cerita 1) Sape lebih manja

    Di suatu ketika, pada suatu masa terdapat dua kumpulan iaitu satu kumpulan lelaki dan satu kumpulan wanita, sedang berdebat atas isu "SIAPA YANG LEBIH MANJA, LELAKI ATAU WANITA". Kumpulan wanita menyokong, lelaki lebih manja daripada wanita, sementara kumpulan lelaki pula menyokong wanita lebih manja daripada lelaki. Perdebatan berkenaan kelihatan seperti tiada penghujungnya dan jauh sekali akan tamat. Tiba2 bangun seorang dari kumpulan wanita. Wanita cantik dan manis, belesung pipit di pipinya serta bertahi lalat di atas bibir dengan senyum menawan pun berkata, "Saya tetap mengatakan kaum lelaki adalah...adalah lebih manja daripada kaum wanita..... Alasannya...semasa masih bayi dan kanak2, lelaki termasuk suami saya menyusu dengan ibu mereka dan apabila telah berkahwin pun kaum lelaki masih lagi menyusu termasuklah suami saya....."


    (cerita 2) Jgn tgk ppuan xpkai baju

    Budak lelaki 1: Kenapa awak takut bila tengok
    gambar perempuan tak pakai baju? Best ape.

    Budak lelaki 2: Sebab mak saya cakap, kalau
    tengok perempuan tak pakai baju, kita akan
    bertukar jadi batu. Sekarang pun dah ada bahagian
    anggota saya yang makin mengeras!


    (cerita 3) Roti & kuah

    Suatu hari sepasang suami isteri terpaksa bermalam di sebuah hotel murah yang terpaksa share ngan orang lain..(bilik)
    Jadi..nak dijadikan cerita..ketika menyewa bilik..
    Suaminya dapat katil single..dan isterinya terpaksa share katil ngan orang lain..
    double decker bed..isterinya kat atas..
    Waktu malam..tu..terasa gersang plak kedua suami isteri tu..
    Maka..terpaksa lah bertahan kerana memikirkan orang kat bawah katil isterinya tu..
    Mereka pun membuat satu pasword yang best..agar mereka dapat "buat" bila
    gersang..malam nanti..
    Bila salah sorang cakap "roti"..sorang lagi..akan cakap "kuah"..
    BIla malam..setelah orang tu pun dah tido..dan mereka pun start..
    ..si isteri mula cakap ROTI..suami pun jawab KUAH..
    Maka..mereka pun berjaya "melakukannya" dalam keadaan yang senyap tanpa
    diketahui oleh orang yang sebilik ngan mereka..
    Bila waktu pagi..orang yang sebilik berkata pada mereka..
    "Saya tau la korang sangat lapar semalam..tapi takkan la sampai
    begitu..kuahnya tumpah ke muka saya malam tadi.."


    (cerita 4) Analisis kesuburan

    Pada satu hari, seorang lelaki tua berumur 75 tahun telah berjumpa dengan seorang doktor untuk membuat analisis kesuburan dan jumlah kandungan sperma yang ada dalam air maninya. Kemudian doktor itu pun memberikan sebuah botol lalau berkata,

    "Pakcik ambil botol nie, esok datang balik jumpa saya bersama dengan contoh air mani pakcik kat dalam botol nie ye."

    Pada keesokan harinya, lelaki tua datang kembali bersama botol yang diberikan oleh doktor itu semalam. Tapi doktor tu tengok takde apa pun yang terisi kat dalam botol tu, kosong jer. Doktor tu bertanya ler kat orang tua tu, "Apsal pakcik tak isi contoh air mani pakcik dalam botol nie??".

    Lelaki tua tu pun menjawab, "Tuan doktor, ceritanya begini, pada mulanya tu, saya guna tangan kanan saya, tapi tak dapat jugak. Kemudian saya gunakan plak tangan kiri, pun tak dapat jugak. Kemudian saya suruh isteri saya tolong. Isteri saya guna tangan kanan pun tak dapat, tangan kiri pun tak dapat. Kemudian isteri saya pakai mulut plak, tak dapat jugak. Pas tu dier gunakan gigi, pun tak dapat. Susah betul, sebab kami dah habis ikhtiar, saya panggil anak perempuan jiran sebelah rumah kami, dier pakai tangan dengan mulut jugak, pun tak dapat-dapat jugak", terang lelaki tua tu.

    "APA??? Awak mintak tolong dari anak perempuan jiran awak..???", tanya doktor tu terkejut beruk. Lelaki tua tu pun menjawab lagi,

    "Ya., betul tuan doktor, bagaimana kuatnya kami cuba, tapi masih jugak tak dapat nak bukak TUTUP BOTOL nie!!!"...


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  3. #2
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    Talking

    org tua tu buat suspender aje..........



  4. #3
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    Aku tolong senyum jer...



  5. #4
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    hehehe....lwak la cite ni sumer...xkan dah xder lagy...



  6. #5
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    ade ke suami menyusu lg kt sini.......
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    "Sabda Rasulullah S.A.W :
    "sesungguhnya Allah tidak ,melihat kepada bentuk tubuh kamu dan tidak juga pada rupa paras kamu,
    tapi dia melihat pada hati kamu " (Daripada Abu Hurairah ra)"



  7. #6
    <span style='color: #008000'>genixshadow</span>'s Avatar
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    ceh.
    cita xbole blah tul



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    huhu

    "Saya tau la korang sangat lapar semalam..tapi takkan la sampai
    begitu..kuahnya tumpah ke muka saya malam tadi.."

    x boleh blah ayat....



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    suruh lah ank lelaki jiran yg bukak tutup botol tu..ape lah atuk nie....



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    tutup botol itu sangat kuat...
    "BeRkaWan BiaR bErIBu, BeRkaSih BiaR RaMai, BeRciNtA xKiSaH bERaPa, BeRkaHwin IkuT kEmAmPuAN, yaNg PasTi MATI xBerTeMaN"
    "SuKaNyA BiLa Dia cErIa"




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    yang tutp botol tu dah penahh baca...


    yang kuah tumpah samapi muka tu...perhhh...C** S*** mcmna la sampai tempias mcmtu


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