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Thread: Cerita Ceriti

  1. #1
    ayam's Avatar
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    Cerita Ceriti

    Citer 1
    Suami : Kenapa Sayang menangis?
    Isteri : Saya telah baca sebuah buku. Sad endinglah bang..
    Suami : Buku apa?
    Isteri : Buku bank abanglah..

    Citer 2
    Aderla sorang lelaki datang ke sebuah rumah untuk meminta derma. Derma untuk rumah orang-orang tua. seorang budak pun membuka pintu.
    budak : derma ape bang?
    lelaki : derma untuk rumah orang-orang tua. adik ada apa-apa untuk didermakan?
    budak : nanti jap.saya ambilkan atuk saya. lelaki : ?????

    Citer 3
    Tunang Farid, Siti, menelefonnya untuk memutuskan pertunangan mereka.
    Farid : Mengapa?
    Siti : Saya dah bosan ngan awak. saya dah ada teman baru. Sebelum tu awak mesti kembalikan semua gambar saya.
    Farid : Ok. Tapi saya tak ingatlah yang mana satu gambar awak, Nanti awak pilihlah sendiri. Yang selebihnya kembalikan kepada saya.
    Siti : Erkkkkkk........ Benci .........

    Citer 4
    3 org menaiki motor dan ditahan polis trafik. Namun pemandu motor tersebut tidak berhenti. Katanya, 'Tak Muat Dah Tok, Kami dah bertiga!!!

    Citer 5
    Citer ni member aku yg beritau. Sampai nak pecah perut dibuatnya. It happen at Jalan Loke Yew. Satu malam tu kawan pompuan ni la, dia baru jer balik dari party, tak tahu how many glasses dia minum ler tapi memang dia betul-betul mabuk. So masa on the way home she got blocked from the police officer and asked for her driving license and so on but unfortunately at the same time tu, there was an accident happen a cross the road. Quite major jugaklah accident and the policeman leave her and rushed to the accident scene.So this stupid girl dah gabra tak tahu nak buat camne, she just ran off back to her car and head straight back home in Klang.

    So the next morning polis datang ketuk pintu rumah dia dan polis tu tanya dia, "AWAK PEGI MANA MALAM SEMALAM?"
    Pompuan ni pulak jawab, "TAK KEMANA ENCIK. SAYA KAT RUMAH JER." So polis tu tanya lagi, "BETUL KER???"
    Pompuan tu jawab, "BETUL ENCIK. SUMPAH SAYA TAK GI MANA2, TANYA LER NGAN HOUSEMATE SAYA."
    So polis tu kata, "YE KER? (sambil tergelak) MARI SINI, KELUAR JAP"
    Lepas tu polis tu tunjuk, "HA!!! ITU KETA SAPA TU??"
    Pompuan tu macam nak pengsan sebab dia dah terbawak keta polis yg malam tadi balik rumah, dia ingat keta dia sebab kaler sama warna putih (wira) cuma keta dia takde sticker polis kat tepi pintu jer. Tak pasal2 kena saman RM1000 dan gantung lesen 1 tahun.

    Citer 6
    Seorang Tok Batin baru membeli motorsikal Honda dan kebetulan pada jalan pulang terserempak dengan kawanya yang ingin menumpang, lalu ditumpangkan kawanya itu. Dalam perjalanan kawannya merasakan Tok Batin hanya mengunakan gear 1 sahaja lalu bertanyalah kawanya itu,
    Kawan Tok Batin : Kenapak kamu hanya pakai gear 1 sahaja.
    Tok Batin : Kalau rosak 1 gear ada 2 lagi gear.
    Kawan Tok Batin : ????????

    Citer 7
    Seorang posmen yang datang menghantar surat.
    " Assalamualaikum "
    " Walaikumsalam "
    " Ni rumah encik Sameon ye?
    " Ya saya"
    " Poning kepala saya mencari alamat rumah encik ni "
    " Buat susah aje encik nie! Apsal tak pos aje?"

    Citer 8
    Orang Asli Dan Polis
    orang asli : selamat pagi tuan
    polis : selamat pagi
    polis : apa hal
    orang asli : saya nak buat repot tuan
    polis : fasal apa tu
    orang asli : kawan saya di baham harimau
    polis : pukul berapa
    orang asli : dia tak pukul, terkam
    polis : habis?
    orang asli : tak habis, tinggal kepala

    Citer 9
    Seorang lelaki pergi ke klinik mata. Setelah matanya diperiksa, dia
    bertanya: " Doktor, lepas pakai cermin mata nanti, boleh ke saya
    membaca macam orang lain?" "Dah tentu, " jawab doktor. "Oh, gembiranya.
    Dah lama saya buta huruf, akhirnya boleh juga saya membaca," kata lelaki
    itu dengan riang.

    Citer 10
    Sebaik sahaja mengambil tempat duduk di ruang menunggu sebuah klinik,
    Shan terpandang Amin sedang menangis teresak-esak. Dia segera mendekati
    Amin. : Shan Kenapa menangis?
    Amin : Saya datang untuk ujian darah.
    Shan : Awak takut ke?
    Amin : Bukan itu sebabnya. Semasa ujian darah dijalankan, mereka telah terpotong jari saya.
    Mendengarkan penjelasan Amin, Shan menangis.)
    Amin : Eh, kenapa pula awak menangis?
    Shan : Saya datang untuk ujian air kencing...

    Citer 11
    Seorang atok membawa cucunya ke pejabat pos untuk menghantar surat.
    Cucunya bertanya bila melihat atoknya memasukkan surat ke dalam tong berwarna merah.
    "Atok buat apa tu?".
    "Atok bagi surat kat kawan atok,cu!" jawap atoknya.
    Cucunya bertanya lagi, "Apa bangang sangat kawan atok duduk dalam tong merah tu?"

    Citer 12
    Seorang pegawai polis masuk ke bilik mayat sebuah hospital untuk menyiasat punca kematian tiga lelaki sekaligus.
    Selepas memeriksa mayat-mayat itu, dia bertanya kepada penjaga bilik berkenaan.
    Polis : Mengapa ketiga-tiga mayat tersenyum?
    Penjaga : Lelaki pertama sedang bersanding, apabila tiba2 diserang strok.
    Lelaki kedua pula khabarnya menang loteri dan mati serangan sakit jantung manakala yg ketiga disambar petir.
    Polis : Hah! Kenapa disambar petir pun tersenyum?
    Penjaga : Masa tu dia ingat orang sedang ambil gambarnya...


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    hahahahaha... lawak jugak ko ni ayam ekk...



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    lawak gilaer. huakakakakakakakak



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    boleh tahan gak cerita-cerita ni...

    ~~~ pErAtI ~~~



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    heheheehe....mhiburkn hati seketika....



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    terus ilang ngantuk bc cerita lawak ni...
    'Destinasi Cinta Yang Ku Cari...Sebenarnya Terlalu Hampir...Hanya Kaburi Dengan Dosa Di dalam Hati...'


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